As I was leaving my car at the repair shop, for what seems like the fifth time in as many months [but is more accurately the still-annoying third time], it spoke to me in a gruff and sardonic tone:
"What an excellent day for a car repair."
I raised my eyebrows. "You'd like that?"
"But wouldn't that mean that I could drive you out of here?"
"It would bring us closer together."
"You and me?"
"Your bank account and me."
Then, nauseating-looking split-pea soup shot out from the heating vents.
But seriously, folks... Apparently, the transmission [or, "tranny"] is allll messed up somehow, and it will cost between $1700-$2200 to fix AND that just happens to be my car's blue book value, and also would bring the Total Amount Of Completely Irritating Car Expenses Since June to about $2800-$3100 [or "so very much more than I'm willing to spend just to keep driving the same car that I always drive"].
So, I don't know. I'm trying to think of a way that I can take this car, and make car-ade from it. Like maybe I can find a 70s Lincoln that has automatic transmission [one plus], and is black [so it looks like a mobster car, another plus OBVIOUSLY.] THEN, when I have enough money to spend on a new car [which will be "never," but let's just say for the sake of argument...] I can then in turn find some OTHER foolio who just wants a car that looks like maybe a mobster drives it, sell it to him, AND LAUGH ALLLL THE WAY TO THE BANK!
I don't know! For now, goodbye, 1993 Nissan Altima. You were a fine second car, and I can drive a stick because of you. Which, it now occurs to me, your current problems might just be you getting revenge for that learning period, years ago. If so, then I take back my goodbye and say "Good riddance, you grudge-keeping asshole!"