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Hoo boy, so I've been reading old journal entries lately, and I kind… - Death drives a white Honda Civic
Hoo boy, so I've been reading old journal entries lately, and I kind of can't believe how many times I referenced going to the gym. It really began to embarrass me; not because I was lying, or had some lame ulterior motive, but because WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY MUSCLES, THEN? Clearly I was doing something wrong that entire time, even though I thought I had a pretty good handle on what I was doing. Which brings me to the following hilarious confession: I'm totally meeting with a personal trainer at my new gym on Monday evening. It's one of those "Hey you joined, so here's a complimentary session with a personal trainer" things, which I'm sure will most likely be an extended pitch for signing up for additional money-costing personal training sessions. But... it actually seemed fairly on the up-and-up, so why not? [I'm sure I'll find out]

But man, the trainer... just... ok, if there was somehow a Smallville-esque prequel to Toy Story, this guy would definitely play twenty-something-Buzz Lightyear. I think he might even have the EXACT same smile. No, I mean it! I think Pixar made his mouth! But that's cool, I mean, this is pretty much what you want in a personal trainer, right? In the same way that you want your hairdresser to have good hair, and your tailor to be wearing a well-fit suit, etc. So he's hardcore, good! But it also puts some pressure on me: for example, I'm supposed to "identify" my "fitness goals," presumably in terms that aren't retarded. And I'm not really sure that "Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke" is going to register with this guy. Maybe... "a happy medium between Popeye and Bluto?" Or probably more something like "I want to condition train while also crosstraining in musculoskeletal management, refocusing caloric intake for an optimal metabolic response." Which I obviously just made up and makes no sense. But I love "musculoskeletal management," that... sounds like a well-paying career.

This will at least make for a good story, right?
10 comments or Leave a comment
princezilla From: princezilla Date: February 1st, 2008 02:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
DUDE This summer we will train together and look at each other muscles, and then talk about them in a NON gay way. Seriously though, I've been on a serious fitness kick the last 6 months and it's improved EVERY aspect of my life.

PIXAR smile is the funniest way I've ever heard somone's plastic smile explained.

BTW I listened to the Mp3 of your solo stuff you shot me a million times. Is there going to be more?
famousmark From: famousmark Date: February 5th, 2008 07:53 am (UTC) (Link)
HA! The first line of your comment craaacked me up!

MAN, I am totally planning to record more solo stuff. I still need to write lyrics for a lot of stuff, though, and I just never seem to be inspired to do that, it seems.
calamityjon From: calamityjon Date: February 1st, 2008 03:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
Isn't the old saw that you want the barber with the worst hair and the tailor with the worst suit? Because that means the OTHER guy is the one who doesn't know his business. Also, this only works in situations where there are precisely two barbers and/or tailors in a given city.
welfaremom From: welfaremom Date: February 1st, 2008 04:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
Just yesterday I was looking at advancedfitness and gettin' all scared of their obsession with getting HUGE. Still, some useful information here and there.

Welcome back to LJ, estranged friend!
famousmark From: famousmark Date: February 5th, 2008 07:27 am (UTC) (Link)
It's good to be back! I prefer the term "long-lost," though.

Thanks for that community link, too! I mean, whoa, those people are hard core! It's kind of cool. Maybe if I read that community more, I can once-and-for-all settle whether or not I really want to be consuming protein "shakes."
welfaremom From: welfaremom Date: February 5th, 2008 05:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
Protein shakes are an incredibly contentious topic with me, too. And I hate the use of both "shake" and "smoothie," and I hate people saying "protein supplements" when they're talking about a beverage, because it's so nonspecific.
counterfeitfake From: counterfeitfake Date: February 1st, 2008 05:49 pm (UTC) (Link)

They go away! Isn't that a rip-off?? Mine are all gone. February is a much better time to hit the gym than January though, so kudos.

For your goal maybe you should just pick something really straightforward. Like a seven-minute mile or 20 consecutive pullups. Or visible abs.
famousmark From: famousmark Date: February 5th, 2008 07:44 am (UTC) (Link)
GOD, they suuuure do go away, don't they? The leg workout the trainer walked Melissa and me through tonight was totally along the lines of something I would do 2-3 times a week a couple years ago, but tonight, it just ABSOLUTELY kicked my ass. And that was rough, because I was under the impression that leg muscles are really hard to lose, in as much as you're constantly using them for walking, and whatnot. [The "whatnot" covers jumping, I think. And running. That's about it, though--I'm out of "other things you do with your legs." Psh, OH, SPREAD THEM, THAT'S RIGHT]

Man, for some reason, the word "spread" as a verb pertaining to legs REALLY bothers me, and grosses me out to the very max. But I had to pre-empt someone making that joke.
laleche From: laleche Date: February 2nd, 2008 02:35 am (UTC) (Link)
I get 4 stars if the guy mentions "performance fuel" or "apex". My friend recently joined 24 hr fitness and the guy told her her BMI was 27 which is absurd! I have a gift of being able to guess someones BMI by looking at them and I said she was 21 which she WAS!!! She is tiny!!! Wait... what was I talking about? Hell is for Children!
famousmark From: famousmark Date: February 5th, 2008 07:50 am (UTC) (Link)
GOD, good thing he didn't, because I would have cracked up! And that would have sucked, because he totally would have had the last laugh, in that he created a work out that pummeled me through and through! So as it was, he had the ONLY laugh.

Your gift of BMI guessing is truly incredible! You should work at a gym!!!
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