Last week, in order to create green-tinted drinks for St. Patrick's Day, I bought a bottle of green Creme de Menthe. I think it's important to document this, because this is going to be the bottle of Creme de Menthe that I have on-hand FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. There is 750 mL of the stuff! What am I going to do with it but haul it out once a year and use a couple of ounces to turn everyone's otherwise-perfectly-good drinks green and minty? I mean, maybe I could get fancy and pour a teaspoon of it over a scoop of vanilla ice cream... and then realize what a mediocre dessert that is, and never do it again. Maybe add some to a cup of hot chocolate? And then drink a lot more hot chocolate? Maybe I could go insane, and use it as part of a lamb marinade! Yuck!
No, this bottle of Creme de Menthe and I are in it for the long haul! Man, I can just see myself now, packing it up for yet another move... Then years later, my kids find it and ask me what it is, and I tell them it's something I bought to turn drinks green. "Why wouldn't you just use a coloring laser?" they'd say, "Or... well, some kind of food coloring, anyway." I probably wouldn't remember why I didn't just use food coloring, but I can tell you right now that it's because I think it's more fun to try to arrive at a desired color by only using ingredients that affect the flavor of the drink, rather than, say, making a vodka tonic and putting food coloring in it. That's why when I temporarily invented* The Purple Rain, it was made of vodka, cranberry juice, and a little Blue Curacao. Oh, Blue Curacao: another bottle I'll have the rest of my life! Maybe this post will also document the moment I decided to just fucking use food coloring. Actually, Blue Curacao is much easier to get rid of. I'm just going to add a little bit of it to every drink I make until it's gone. It'll be my signature! "Does my whiskey look slightly blue?" you may ask me, if you're at my place. Yup! I added a little Blue Curacao to it. Bottoms up!
Obviously, I can't perform that technique with Creme de Menthe, so there it will remain in the liquor cabinet, like an hourglass marking my remaining days. Now I'm picturing a montage of Important Life Events; "Sunrise/Sunset" from Fiddler On the Roof is probably playing, and a bottle of Creme de Menthe fades in and out of the screen. Married! Mostly full bottle! Kids! 3/4 Full Bottle! Sunriiiiiise! Kids graduate High School! 2/3 Full! Kids graduate college! 1/2 Full! I finally make Senior Partner! 2/5 Full! Grandchildren happen! 1/4 Full! Suuunset! Retirement! 1/8 Full! And then finally there's only two ounces left, and Missy and I are reminiscing about the old days one night, and I find this old bottle of Creme de Menthe, and Missy says to me, "Have you ever just had that straight?" No, have you? "No." And we decide to pour each other shots, we drink them, and then... we pass away. Together! So sweet, everyone will cry. It'll be just like in The Notebook! Only mintier.